Wednesday, 19 April 2017

13 Reasons why

Hi everyone.
I haven't posted on here in a while so I'm kicking off with a review of an original Netflix Show.

You may have seen people talking about 13 Reasons Why all over social media recently and wondering whats the fascination?
Well a few weeks back my boyfriend was working long hours and I didn't really see him for a week, so on the evenings whilst the kids were in bed I popped Netflix on and 13 Reasons Why caught my eye.
I put it on and to be honest hadn't a clue what it was on about for the first 20 minutes but after that it got me hooked.
I watched the whole thing in 2 days.
Quick description, its about a girl Hannah Baker that commits suicide and a few weeks later her friend Clay finds a mystery box on his door step, inside the box are tapes.
Listening to each tape he begins to retrace steps and listens in on the leading up to Hannah taking her own life.
Each tape is is 1 episode to people that single handily had some sort of involvement in the taking of her own life and the devastating truth, Hannah's truth is spoken with why she took the decision to end what she could no longer handle.
The whole time you begin to wonder who is next on the tapes and what did they do so wrong to her to make her feel so low, lonely and well in not so many words depressed.
I have seen so many negative reviews on this series, so many people saying how it glamorised the topic of suicide and young people would be damaged by watching this, well here's how I took this.

First off let me say I am not bashing this series at all, in fact I not only enjoyed it but I love how real it is and I think sometimes that realness can make people feel uncomfortable and if it makes you feel uncomfortable it means its hit a nerve.
The reality is over a period of time a young, bright, happy girl began to experience loneliness, began to feel insecure and started to look no further than her wrists for the answer, did that make you feel uncomfortable?

She likes a boy (Justin) as many young girls do, they go on a 'date' and whilst in the park she goes down a slide to which the boy takes a picture capturing her underwear underneath her skirt, they kiss and that's it but he then shows everyone the picture and goes on to say they done more than just kiss which instantly incriminates her as being... a slag.
And that was the start
She then goes on to loose her 2 best friends, Jessica and Alex they were a trio of 'misfits' that would hang out in a coffee shop and talk about what teenagers talk about, her 2 'friends' start to date and leave her out of the trio, so she begins to become isolated I mean the only 2 people in the world that truly get her and understand her have now abandoned her, who does she talk to now?
Alex then makes a 'list' with Hannah being 'awarded' best ass, Jessica is jealous and later slaps Hannah for 'seducing her boyfriend.
People assume a list is stupid what could that do??
Actually that list pretty much ruined her
it was an open invite for boys to grope, touch and make sexual remarks to her.
Tyler, he was the school photography student that ended up stalking Hannah, took pictures of her and ended up catching a little more on camera that he expected.
Hannah Made friends with a girl named Courtney whom she invites to her house to set up a trap to catch the stalker, they end up getting drunk and kiss, Tyler catches it all on camera and again the photo goes into circulation after Hannah refused to go out with Tyler.
Courtney gets scared of people finding out that she is gay decides to avoid hannah at all costs, in the end Courtney spreads a rumour that Hannah was making out with her girlfriend and had invited her to take part in a 3 way! She also spreads nasty rumours about Hannah & Justin's meet in the park...
Marcus, He played it cool and made Hannah believe he was really in to her, he ends up persuading her to go on a date he thinks shes easy because that's what the rumours say they meet he grabs her she pushes him off his ego is bruised she feels dirty and not good enough, enter Zach.
Zach he explains to Hannah that he likes her and he is genuine but she brushes him off, he again feels scolded so in their communications class he starts to remove the notes from her Compliment basket (students keave kind words to others anonymously) she writes to Zach to try and explain how much she needs those complimentary notes especially now but he throws her note away and ignores her pleas.
Ryan, he gets Hannah in to a meeting hall where people share their love of poetry and a beautiful friendship forms, she writes a beautiful poem that he loves and tells her how it should be published in the schools magazine, he genuinely done it for the good but he takes her poem publishes it but to Hannah its her private personal work and he disregards that by betraying her trust because people figure out she wrote it and...people have a lot to say and make fun out of the whole thing.
Sheri, she offers to drive hannah home after a party and crashes in to a stop sign, Sheri freaks out and drives off not wanting to ring the police for fear of being in trouble, Hannah manages to get to a shop and rings the police but it was already to late.
That's when Jeff (clays friend) ends up crashing into another car due to their being no stop sign and dies at the scene.
Bryce, Bryce well...he ends up raping Jessica at her house party where she is very drunk and Justin (her now boyfriend) done nothing to stop it, Hannah seen it all as she was hiding in the wardrobe after her and clay kissed she panicked and begged him to leave her.
Bryce also ends up raping Hannah at another party which I believe truly shattered her soul.
She would never be the same after that and I believe at that point she knew she had enough and soon would end it all.
Mr Bryce, he is the school councillor that she went to see, she tells him whats happened and whats been going on but he basically tells her if shes not willing to make a complaint he cant do anything, his phone rings she leaves and that's it.
Clay, I feel sorry for him because through it all he loves Hannah and will forever live with he should have and could have done.... no one should have to live with that, so Clays character you immediately feel for him.

in the end Hannah makes the conscious decision to end it all, she takes razors from her mum & dads shop runs a bath and finishes it all.

the scenes are truly heart breaking after that.
Her mum finds her and even seeing her still don't really take in whats happened.

Now heres why I don't think this 'Glamorises' suicide.
This is something that has happened and will continue to happen, this is a real problem that we face.
To some it may look like stupid typical school 'stuff' small actions it may seem yet to Hannah it all begins to snowball if you will.
That one little word, that one rumour, that one friend all adds to her tragic demise, and why do I know this so real?
because in a way I connect with Hannah, I know exactly what a rumour can do!
I know exactly how it feels for boys to grab and touch you like your worthless, your just a piece of meat, I know what it feels like to be isolated, mum & dad have their own issues so don't want to bother them I know exactly how it feels to be this girl whilst people watch this and make the decision that this is glamourising suicide I concede that actually this is showing exactly what happens when suicuide is the only option you feel is left so actually maybe we shouldn't look at this as a negative series, maybe we could use this to educate.

How many people do you see sitting alone?
A simple hi, a little are you ok? could actually change that persons life in a sense.

Ok a little dramatic? Maybe
but I know for sure this is a possibility and I would never like to think this could happen to the girl next door if you get my drift.

All in all, for me it was a more personal thing to have watched, I completely connected to Hannahs character and I immediately knew that this girl needed saving.
Listen if you are looking to watch something that will make you think and understand that these social issues are strife right now watch it keep an open mind, don't just look at it like its a girl that commits suicide and its a beautiful love story, watch it and think of those rumours you hear, and remember this is real and it is damaging, I'm glad its out there.

whats your thoughts?


Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Breastfeeding Right or Wrong?

Hey everyone.
Today im writting about Breastfeeding because i know this is one hell of a touchy subject!
I see it more and more now on social media about mum's that have had abuse shouted at them, they have been shamed in public and made to feel like a disgrace because they have been breast feeding their baby!
Is this really wrong??

This is shocking to me!!
Im not sure why and i cant understand why this is so Taboo.
I mean breastfeeding is so natural to a mother i cant seem to get my head around why it causes so much offence!
I breastfed all 3 of my babies and i loved the experience of nurturing my young, it felt natural and to be honest if they didnt feed off me i would be in agony with breast pain, i managed to breastfeed for 12 weeks with my 1st, 7 weeks with my 2nd and 9 weeks with my 3rd if i could have carried on longer i would have but they were greedy gits and i couldnt keep up with their high demand.

Let me just say, i am outraged at the amount of stick mothers get for breastfeeding nowa days!
Im actually disgusted that people could be so damm rude, mothers now cant win.
They are terrible if they dont breastfeed (some physically cant so take that into consideration) yet they are disgraceful if they do because they give a boob to the baby to feed off, lets look at nature.
In the animal Kingdom its natural and the only way of survival for babies to suckle milk from their mothers, yet its not frowned upon.

This is beautiful and apart of nature.

A baby crys because they are hungry you feed them regardless if its from a boob or a bottle you feed your hungry baby.
I seen some people argue well dont do it in public go to a toilet, well how about you go and eat your dinner in a toilet!!?!?!
Some say that a mother should express milk, well from experience some babys will not take expressed breast milk from a bottle as your milk can turn sour or soapy tasting so to a baby it will be off for them, some mothers simply cant express enough anyway so its a waste of time and effort.
Some say to use a cover or a sheet to put over baby to feed, well why dont you put a cover over your face when eating dinner, better still just dont look!

Crazy!!! A mother feeding her baby gets all kinds of attention usually negative, i have seen many men say the most distasteful things to a breastfeeding mama..yet come summer men walk around with no shirt on...why should we be subjected to see a man with his nipples on show??
Why should we have to be subjected to look at over hanging bellys and pigeon chested gits just because "suns out guns out" they are however happy to look at full frontal nudity of page 3 girls  kim Kardashians ass...but see a baby sucking a boob n its out rage so i conclude...
these men are pissed and jealous they arent sucking on a boob all day because given half a chance they most likely would!!!
Obviously im not talking about real men because real men wouldnt think anything of a woman feeding her baby!

Listen you mummies out there...
Be proud of ur breastfeeding ladies!! And if a man stares or a woman for that fact or says something rude and uncalled for use ur boobs as weapons...squirt them HaHaHa
in all seriousness though well done for standing ur ground ladies, dont be put off by the negative people, enjoy your experience of being a mum, it's hard enough as it is without being criticised for the way in which you freely choose to feed your baby.
Have fab day!
And incase no one told you today...
Your baba is a beaut!!! Xx

Tuesday, 28 February 2017

When you find yourself...

Hi my lovies,

I have recently found myself at a more peaceful stage in life, I'm not sure if i have grown into a more peaceful person, could it be that i have kids that i have mellowed or i have just always been this way but got a little lost at some point.

I'm not a religious person but i am spiritual, i believe things happen for a reason our lives are fated and regardless how hard you change direction the path to where we should be going will always be travelled.
I believe in Angels and believe we are guided through life for reasons im sometimes unsure of.

I'm not sure when i changed but i just know that today i see things in a completely different way to what i once did, i was the kind of person that would be quick to answer back i took harsh words to heart and i was pretty much horrible to anyone i felt was doing me wrong, i mean really nasty like i wanted to make sure i hurt feelings because they hurt mine.
I cant believe how different i am now, I'm no longer bothered by words spoken by a mean tongue, i don't feed negative energy.
I do not give my attention to people that no longer deserve it.

I think i just got fed up, i was done with making everyone happy even when it meant putting myself out, i got annoyed of being there for everyone else but having criticism back, it was too much.

Here's what i learnt.

You cant make everyone happy no matter how much you try, having children pretty much puts your life on hold so socialising and making plans is near impossible, anyone that wanted to take a step back is fine with me if they have no understanding in the big change my life took on i have no understanding of them either, i luckily have a friend that's always been there to help even if its giving the kids some breakfast whilst i wash my hair to get ready for our day out, she made an effort to be in my life when even i couldn't be bothered to be in my life ha ha and that's the kind of people you need so stick with them.

Life cycles change and so do the people in them, always be grateful for the people you met and are yet to meet on your journey, some people go some stay but we can always appreciate the time we have with them, some people turn into memories and that's fine too, i learnt quickly not everyone is supposed to stay, you cross paths for different purposes in life and some times loyalties change to the need of you which again is fine, you were still blessed with their presence.

If something becomes an effort question if its worth your time, not just something but someone, if spending time with someone becomes 'work' if excuses are made in an effort to not see that person...well truth is it should never be an effort, is it time to cut ties?

Kindness, kindness goes a long way.

Negativity, rid yourselves of all forms of it!
People especially, if you are around someone that is negative of everything you will be drained! You will be exhausted.
Someone that is 'always right' is another drain on your life, people that only sees things their way will always be blinded by their own stupidity, everyone is entitled to their own opinion but that don't mean you cant listen to others and learn.

Learn to be at peace with your own company, thats when you will truly grow, you will learn to be your own best friend and love yourself and when you can do that you will have so much more to offer to others.

Life will never be perfect, you will still be challenged by darkness but its on you to shine light upon it,
Don't assume being kind will only bring back kindness, it will attract all kinds of evil but you have the power to cease the existence of evil...simply don't feed it,
Let nature take its course and let people be taken care of by their own actions,
Remember to listen to yourself, you already know the answers.

I simply didn't change,
I just woke up


Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Handmade soap and Bath Bombs

Hey everyone,
You may know I am a lush addict!
Bath bombs, soaps i love it all and whilst i love my little visits to Lush, im a big believer in supporting little family run buisness's.
Enter Monzies

My sister found a lovely lady that has her own little shop in Wales UK and her shop is one of those i would spend hours in.
Its full of beautiful little treasures, she restores furniture which is absolutely up my street, i like to have things a little different to everyone else, i like one off pieces and my home is full of them.

This Lady owns a shop named Monzies, she sells handmade soaps and bathbombs amongst other beautiful items and souvenirs.

Im a sucker for a bath bomb usually from Lush but knowing these are home/hand made is a little more satisfying because apart from them being made with love and care, you get to support the smaller businesses which is so important to me as i know how hard it can be running your own buisness!

Take a peek at these
This is just a few of my Favourites.
The bath bombs really fizz and smell just amazing! 
I love lush bath bombs but hate the shimmer and glitter so sometimes puts me off using them.
These are just lovely and a real treat, as i say they smell amazing and they are fun to watch as they dissolve in the bath making all kinds of pretty colours, my kids are obsessed with them

Apart from the bath bombs as i mentioned she also makes soaps.
This is just 3 of them that i cant stop using, the purple one is a lavender soap which is perfect for sending your little ones sleepy for bedtime, my younger 2 are out for the count when i use this, it lathers and bubbles up leaving the skin super clean and smelling beautiful, it really makes your hair shine too.

The yellow one is a banana soap, this smells good enough to eat but obviously dont haha.
My eldest boy loves this soap and he always smells fruity fresh after his bath, its a fun scent for kids to use but to be honest i love this too.

My absolute favourite is the Blue soap, its Aloe Vera and believe me when i tell you, this leaves you smelling super clean and fresh! 
The little seeds in there are great too as it will exfoliate your skin.

I also love my Baby powder scent which is super cute with the blue white and pink stripes

The soaps are really scented and they linger on your skin too which i love! I hate using a body wash or soap that smells great but then as soon as its washed off thats it...its gone.

These soaps are super cheap and they make for a real special gift too, (mothers day is sorted) 

My sister made me a christmas hamper full of different soaps bath bombs and yankee candle melts and it was so much nicer and more personal.

If you would like to have a peek you can find her on Facebook HERE

You should definitely check her out.


Tuesday, 7 February 2017

Sound of Silence

Hey everyone,
As you know this is my personal page where i share a little more about myself and family.

Today is one of those days where i feel absolutely fine im not sad or down but i just like to listen to nothingness...
I wonder how many others out there are like me in this way? 

Its days like today where i have a feeling of emptyness and i like it.
I have no emotion, no thoughts, just peace and calmness in my mind and body.
People assume im sad, lonely but actually im enjoying the nothingness, the stillness. 

I like my mind having no thoughts of life.
I can just look at something and accept what it is without wondering why it is what it is, why is it there.

The sun shines through the window with a slight hazyness outside, the trees are still with a backdrop of blue sky, the air is cold and i like feeling the cold on my skin, i like the sun on my face with my eyes closed i can still see its brightness, i can still feel the warmth, i can smell the clean air, in these moments of feeling nothing is when i feel most alive.

I enjoy silence, i enjoy not talking, i like to be on my own, i like not feeling anything, but that does not make me a loner, it does not mean i am sad, i just enjoy my space of nothingness.

I litereally recharge myself by doing this.

In my younger years i was constantly listening to argument, torment and just noise.
In my older years, i seek quite, peace, silence...
I love my family life, i love my crazy time with my kids shouting jumping singing going crazy, but there is no harm in stepping away from that and gaining a little bit of tranquillity.

Today even just for a half hour i enjoyed my nothingness time.

Yes i most probably sound weird, but i will embrace it.

Hi, my names Hannah, 
And i enjoy the sound of silence. 


Monday, 23 January 2017

Being a mum isnt easy

Hi everyone, im going to keep it real in todays post.

If you dont known already, im Hannah, im near but stress not yet 30, i have a boyfriend of 13 years and im a mum to our 3 children aged 7, 2 and 11 months.
I done a post a little while back about being a mum you can read that Here

I wanted to tell you mothers and fathers out there what a hard busy but rewarding job it is being a parent.
Its a job that dont stop, you constantly find yourself cleaning, picking up toys to find 5 minutes later they are back out scattered on the floor and your treading on the lego bricks that you curse at for the 10th time today, infact if you ever come across the git that made lego you would make him eat the dam stuff whilst walking on it!
You fight with your toddler to eat lunch and you feel like a shit mum because you got pepper pig spaghetti instead of turtles so now he is on hunger strike and making you regret ever picking up the dam spaghetti, i knew i should have picked asdas own crappy boring hoops,
Whilst he is having a fit in the corner you have a melt down moment and hold your head in your hands asking what the hell have i done having this demon child??
You look up and there is your once perfectly clean girl mushing spaghetti into the carpets, her hair and even her nose, you bath her and wash her hair whilst she shouts at you because apparently washing out the sauce from her hair has ruined all her hard work of getting it in there.
Now your 2 year old wants something to eat and his asking for 'mikey pizza' (everything now gets reffered to as those annoying git bag ninja turtles) you have no pizza and tell him do you want some cheese pasta?? After an hour of talking him into having pasta he gives in, you come to serve him his food for him to remind you that your silly because how could he possibly have lunch if he doesnt have a tea, but listen the baby is asleep and it gets a little better because around this time you can enjoy a cup of tea hot, a few months back you were drinking cold tea and biscuits for breakfast at 5pm.

You have a mugshot and feel greatful you ate it in peace and this time you didnt have to hide in the bathroom to eat it.

You clean all the plates, you pick up the toys, and the eldest boy gets back from school to tell you his girlfriend has left him for his mate, this girl that has flitered between MY boy and his 2 mates for a month and shes going to leave my boy heartbroken again, what a trollop!
you give him the speech, girls arent worth the trouble and she will be back bla bla bla, he gives you the homework and yet again there goes that maths homework that you still haven't a clue on...wheres my phone?? I need google!

You entertain baby, the boys are practicing ninja moves, the tv gets pushed over, the sparkly candle holders you treated yourself to get broke and you're on the verge of screaming SHUT THE HELL UP YOU DEMON CHILDREN but then you see the time and yaaaaay time for mummy to start cooking again, daddy gets home late because his waiting for some pratt to pick up a car, should have picked it up at 3pm but 6.45 still waiting!
You stand chopping potatoes and your getting a little mad at waiting for daddy to get back to play referee to the demons, your potato chopping skills are 'on point' you should enter for Masterchef, baby has ventured into the bathroom, pulled all the washing out the basket and stuck socks in the toilet, shes feeding the dog toilet water and now demon child 1 comes running into the bathroom with a bloody lip because demon child 2 hit him with his turtle stick but his sat down like butter wouldnt melt like he has no idea what happened and even blames his brother for hitting himself with the stick...

Wine,... wine and more wine!

Dinner is served your feeling really pleased with your accomplishment of having bums in seats and empty plates, well except for baby...she just decided to lob food across the room to the dog who is failing badly at being a dog because apparently your dog hasnt a clue how catch...

Listen, i love my family to bits, my partner is one of the hardest working men i have ever known, he provides for his family, we have what ever we want and i love that after 13 years and 3 demon children later we are still down for each other and have each others back unconditionally, i love my children to death, they annoy me, they make me mad, they shout scream and even make me cry, but they make me smile, laugh and so greatful that i get to watch them grow up hopefully into decent kind beautiful humans...

I have recently come under fire for my parenting and 'wifey' skills
Listen up my fellow parents...

When your doing your best and you have morons comment about the dishes left in the sink, the toys on the floor, and the unruly way the children run round the house, the food they eat because you know... how dare you let your child eat pizza or have a Mcdonalds Happy meal... just remember you are doing your best!

Oh look toys on the floor...who cares
These people have probably never seen a home, and a home is what gives you and your children stability, a home that makes your children feel secure, nurtured and loved, a home they will always remember.
My house is clean my children are happy and healthy, and that is what truly matters.
My heart loves more than i could imagine
Peace and quiet
The 3 nutateers and mum
13 years on, and we are happy with our family, even if its not perfect, its our kind of perfect.

I sincerely hope as a parent, there are many more of you out there that share days like mine, and as a new is scary, hard, emotional and some days you want to give up, but these days dont last forever, your children will grow and they will leave one day so take each day as it comes and remember you are a mum not a dam super hero!!
We make mistakes and move on, and just incase you havent heard it in a while...

Youre doing a great job.


Friday, 13 January 2017

2017 will be a good year

I havent posted on here in a few weeks, ive been a little busy and got side tracked...

I hope everyone had a great new years!!!

This year i have decided to put my little thoughts into action.

I am beauty blogger and a very dedicated one too, you can see my other blog if you wish Here
I will always be a beauty/makeup lover and will always be involved in that but this year im making a little room in my life for something i have wanted to do for many many years!!

Without giving too much away, for many years i have had a thought running around in my mind and i have made constant excuses as to why i shouldnt go ahead,
Well no more! This year i decided to get the ball rolling.
Instead of telling myself why i shouldnt i have been telling myself why i should...
And im hoping it will help some people out there.

Its going to be a long road as there is a lot to go through and get done, there will be days im going to get frustrated and want to pack it all in but i will remind myself of my goal and i will remind myself that 'Rome wasnt built in a day'
Im assuming i will struggle but i will succed in my new venture...

So today i made a start, its a small start but its a litlle step in the right direction, im excited and i hope you will join me on my way to something different and new i will keep you updated as time goes on and i will be showing you little snippets of my new 'project' so to speak...
So please subscribe to my blog and join me for what will be a pretty good journey if nothing else.

Hannah. X